One sunny day in the Garden, God was talking to Adam about pregnancy. (It was better than him hearing about it on the street!) “You see Adam, from the time you find out you’re pregnant to the time the baby appears will be about nine months.”
“Gee God, don’t you think that’s a bit long. I mean you made everything else in six days.”
God replied, “You need to have that time to acclimate to the idea that there will be a new person in your life.”
Confused, as he was the only person…anywhere… so far, Adam just wrote this off as one of those “I am God and I know best” things.
God continued, “During the nine months the belly will expand to about five times its normal size, the ankles will disappear, and the butt will get its own zip code.” At this Adam just had to speak up.
“Now God, I know you are the ultimate power and wisdom of the universe, but about this belly thing. I have spent a fortune on Ab-blasters and spent hours doing crunches. I really don’t want to blow my six-pack on a silly thing like pregnancy.”
“Adam, my silly, little man; you are not going to have to go through all that. Childbirth and pregnancy will be my blessing for women. Eve will throw up daily for three months, waddle to and fro, and attempt to push a bowling ball-like head…well, never mind about that.”
Relieved, Adam said, “Well why didn’t you make that clear in the first place? I can handle all that if Eve has to put up with it. What do I have to do?
God thought for a moment and replied, “Actually, you will do what you do best…simply be quiet. No, on second thought, you will be emotional support for Eve, waiting on her every need, comforting her in times of stress, lovingly painting her toe nails when she can no longer bend that low, running to the Handy Mart at two in the morning for chocolate covered Sushi, telling her that a size 18 is not really that big, and forgiving her when she hurls a crock pot at your head for no apparent reason.”
Adam, always the pensive one, took all this in and said, “So God, I know you are fond of writing things in stone, but are these duties negotiable?
God replied, “No because I have made Eve the strongest. You see Eve has strengths that amaze even me. She can handle trouble and carry heavy burdens. She smiles when feeling like screaming. She sings when she feels like crying, crys when she is happy and laughs when she is afraid. She heals herself when she is sick, can feed a family of four on a pound of any kind of meat, and can get a nine year old to take a bath! You can’t imagine what she can endure and overcome.”
“Like pregnancy!,”Adam replied.
“Like pregnancy,” God confirmed.
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