5 Things That Make Your WeeWee Hurt

       

Few things are more unpleasant than painful urination. (Wee Wee for those folks perpetually arrested in the kindergarten stage of development).  

Unfortunately, this is such a common occurrence I feel compelled, obligated, and otherwise obliged to give a brief overview of the five most common causes in women along with some common treatments.  If you are a guy and reading this and your WeeWee hurts…Just let it fall off.

Number one with a bullet is a urinary tract infection. 

Commonly called a bladder infection, cystitis, or that raging pain from Hell that makes me want to throw up a lung. These infections are characterized by frequency and urgency along with the burning.  Most bladder infections are limited to the lower urinary tract (bladder and urethra) as to be distinguished from a more serious infection involving the kidneys.  Luckily, theses are usually easily treated with antibiotics and prayer.  

A common but less recognized cause of painful urination is Interstitial Cystitis (IC).  Besides sounding like a cool name for a band, IC is not an infection but an inflammation (a somewhat technical and nerdy distinction, but important) so antibiotics will do nothing for this problem.  Patients who suffer from IC are horribly frustrated because their classic history is having been treated for multiple bladder infections, and the darn things keep coming back.  The reality is that many never had an infection at all and they just paid for their doctor's new car with all their visits to the clinic.  If it is properly diagnosed, there are treatments available including medicines and bladder installations (as opposed to military installations).

Third is our perennial culprit, menopause. 

     Of course menopause has been blamed for everything from hair loss to first-degree murder, but in this case, it actually can lead to an woe in the wee.  In menopause, the urethral and vaginal tissues can get thin and you can lose lubrication, resulting in burning both during urination and if the urine hits the labia and vulva.  This rather distasteful outcome can be thwarted by a little estrogen cream (a little dab will do ya!) or a new laser treatment cheekily called MonaLisa Touch.

One of my favorite causes is linked to bladder infections, but I feel it deserves its own category because of its catchy name, honeymoon cystitis.  In this day of couples living together and virginity at marriage being as rare as an honest congressman, this is somewhat a misnomer simply because it is tied to the initiation and/or frequency of sexual activity.  In days gone by, when the earth was still cooling and couples actually waited until the honeymoon to jump each other’s bones, many women complained of urinary burning when they came back from Niagara Falls.  

It was more related to repetitive friction (do I really have to paint a picture here?) than infection, but that sometimes occurred.  Anyhoo, women still can get this problem if they suddenly have an active evening…I mean a real active evening…out of their norm.  The good news is that many times this resolves spontaneously, especially if you have a headache every evening for a couple of weeks. 

(wink, wink)

Last, and definitely least, is our friend the STD.  For those over 50, that is a sexually transmitted disease.  One of the most common of these is the herpes virus.  In this day of HPV and AIDs, herpes has become somewhat forgotten (much like Justin Bieber) but it still runs rampant. 

The little ulcers that signal an outbreak often are first noticed when urine hits them.  Think hydrochloric acid on a paper cut.  Herpes cannot be cured but it can be managed with a variety of medicines.  Unfortunately, it’s the gift that just keeps on giving.  

There are some over the counter medicines (AZO, uristat, uricalm, StopTheBurningOrI’llScream) that can act as a Band-Aid for the problem, but just remember, to really treat things properly you have to get the proper diagnosis, and that only comes from contributing to your doctor’s daughter’s college fund.