You don’t conquer the marathon, you survive it! I am writing this on the way back from the inaugural Georgia marathon in Atlanta. Let me just say for the record that sitting in a car for two and a half hours after running 26 miles, and being an old codger at that, is about as pleasurable as having your finger nails pulled out by a crazed Korean manicurist. However, the “runner’s high” carried me through until my body reminded me just how dumb this repeated punishment was. The race does give you plenty, and the way I run, I do mean plenty, of time to wax philosophically about various topics of the day, so I found myself cogitating on family health and wellness during a particular hilly stretch in the Virginia Highlands neighborhood. (As an aside, it is a good thing to remember that an area with the word “highlands” in its name is not a good first choice for a running outing!)

The marathon has been used a metaphor for many things, and rightly so. It has elements that pervade various endeavors, discipline, persistence, training, and obsession. But I found myself thinking of how it illustrated how we approach the health and welfare of our families. First, like the marathon, wellness is a long tem endeavor. We live in a society that cherishes the quick and easy. People are rewarded for figuring out short cuts, minimizing effort, and simplifying complex tasks. Certainly, some of those approaches do a lot for improving our lives. I will forever be indebted to the fine person who invented digital cameras, as I can now immediately eliminate the hundreds of pictures of the wall, floor, and heads cut off, that I once paid Eckerd’s thousands to develop for me. There is something painfully frustrating about paying twenty dollars for 25 photographs of the back of a lens cap. Anyway, when it comes to your family’s health, there are no short cuts. Face it, accept it, practice it! If you and your family are to be fit and healthy, you must realize that you are in it for the long haul. For example, diets are horrible because they imply that they are only temporary. What you need is a permanent change in lifestyle, not some temporary fix me up, that really won’t accomplish anything anyway. Think long term when considering any family health related issue. Whether it is eating or exercise or regular checkups, know that, God willing, you are going to be on this planet around 80 years, and what you do now affects the quality of those years towards the end.

The marathon is a daunting task if you look at it whole. Even today if I think of going out and running 26.2 miles, I get intimidated. But if I think of it as just about four six mile courses, it becomes much less intimidating psychologically. Likewise, if you approach health changes in your family and think of the task as being too immense, the key is to break it down into smaller, more manageable segments. For example, don’t take on a new exercise regimen and also quit smoking. Get rid of the cancer sticks first; reward yourself, and then move on to a walking program. Teach your children that small steps will eventually get you to the finish line. A young child may revolt if you radically change their after-school snacks, but a slow subtle change from Twinkies to fruit slices will be more tolerable. Before I ran my first marathon ten years ago, the farthest I had run at any one time was 4 miles, but a slow steady buildup over time allowed me to run the San Francisco marathon 6 months later. You can make changes that are relatively minor at first, but if applied daily will logarithmically increase over time. Just getting into the habit of preventative doctor checkups can be a very positive accomplishment. Take baby steps and you will see changes.

No one runs and survives a marathon without two key characteristics, persistence and discipline. There comes a point in every race where the head takes over for the legs and you have to decide that you are going to finish in spite of the pain. So, I believe, no one can achieve family fitness and health without a degree of “stick-to-it-tiveness” and commitment. There will be times that the necessary choices will be painful, but you have to stick to your principles and persist. If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for your children. You are the greatest teacher your kids will ever have. Lead by example. This changes your motivation. Seeing health and wellness from a family perspective changes “me” thinking to “we” thinking, and that can have powerful effects on your motivation. Nothing will substitute for committing to a goal and deciding that achieving that goal is non-negotiable. Leaving your children a legacy of good health is one of the greatest gifts you can give.

Indeed, the marathon is a metaphor for many things, and I find its most compelling comparison to a family’s health. Now if I can just spend the next three weeks in my whirlpool bathtub, I will feel human again!

Let it be said from the outset, I love my family. I would give any appendage, any money, even my liver for any one of my family members. My life is theirs…but when it comes to family vacations, I believe they can get along better without me. We have had some wonderful times on vacation together, mainly when they were small and easily herded to various activities, but as they have gotten older, I get the sense that they and I don’t see this time as either relaxing or healthy. Let me explain. A few years ago, my wife and girls decided that it would be “fun” to go to a dude ranch in Arizona. The operative question here is fun for whom? They have been horse people all their lives. My wife grew up on the back of a hunter-jumper, and our girls have been riding since they were knee high to a miniature pony. I, on the other hand, am afraid of big dogs, much less an animal that weighs as much as Montana. When they are jumping on their horse they are seeing visions of Black Beauty, and I am breaking out in a cold sweat remembering Christopher Reeves. Needless to say the idea of a “dude ranch” vacation was about as appealing as intestinal flu. My wife, being the wise woman that she is, understood immediately my aversion to this idea (maybe it was the cold, clammy skin and retching that clued her in) so she pointed out that the ranch also had a pool and exercise room where I could hide from any contact with the demon beasts. Great, I thought, a gazillion dollars to sit by a pool with other fraidy cats and swap stories about why I wasn’t riding into the sunset with the rest of the family. As always, however, my daughters looked at me with those “rip your heart out eyes” that all daddies know all to well, so we booked our trip for horse heaven. They stocked up on riding gear and I checked out the latest Hawaiian Tropic SPF super sun block.

After arriving in Arizona (I never knew cactus is to the west like azaleas are to Augusta) I realized that all those folks who said,”yes it’s hot but it is a dry heat” were delusional from heat stroke. It was hot, real hot. The “dudes” at the “dude” ranch were anything but what I thought of as a dude. These wranglers were the real thing. They bathed an average of once a season and had names like Crusty and Dusty. They were also very adept at spotting city slickers like me and planning elaborate torture activities if I was ever dumb enough to venture anywhere near the horse stalls. My girls and wife immediately made friends with these Bonanza rejects and by the second day were inviting them to our house for the Futurity. Meanwhile, I had staked out my lounge chair at the pool along with a bizarre collection of other dads (and a few moms) who were also hiding their fear of bow legs and chafing. I would send my family off to the trials early in the morning and greet them later that afternoon to hear stories of adventure and daring on the back of a majestic steed, while I regaled them with my day of trying to get the middle of my back adequately coated with sunscreen.

The day before we left, my family came to me and said we “had to talk”. I thought they were staging an intervention because I had become addicted to Robin Cook novels (it gets lonely at the pool), but they had a much more sinister proposal. They felt it would be plain wrong if I went the whole week at a “dude ranch” without once riding a horse. I quickly retorted that was my intention from the very beginning, but I appreciated their concern. As with most things; however, they persisted and appealed to my sense of manliness. Let me just say for the record that it is not fair for your 7 year old to call you a wimp…but it is effective, so I condescended to try a short trail ride the following day. This was only after numerous guarantees that this ride was designed for beginners and my life insurance was paid in full.

The next morning I put on my finest blue jeans (actually the only pair I have), polo shirt (hey, it has a horse on it) and a baseball cap (to show I was not a tourist and wear a stupid cowboy hat). I arrived at the barn and quickly noticed the wranglers all wearing cowboy hats (so much for being cool). Crusty (or Dusty…I could never tell them apart) spotted me immediately and called out, “Hey tenderfoot, we got your horse right over here.” I glanced in the direction he was pointing and all I could see was a stall with dust and debris coming out, accompanied by what sounded like snorting from Hell. “Yesiree…this here is Widow Maker!” Why is it that everyone thinks they are comedians? After they picked me up from the hay where I had fainted, they showed me my real horse…Glue Factory and off I went. Actually I had a wonderful time as they took things very slow and easy (no doubt on instructions from their liability attorneys) so I did end up bonding with the family and creating lasting memories. But about that chafing!

You might need to be Fat Proofed if:

Your idea of a home cooked meal is everyone going to the drive thru at Wendy’s
At family reunions you are in charge of the tee shirts and all you order are size XXXL
Your favorite old movie is “Girth of a Nation”
You ask for seconds at Communion
You take National Cheese Day off from work
The only exercise you get is jumping to conclusions
The Food Channel is programmed into your TV remote…on every button
You get up in the morning and run around the block…and then kick the block under the bed and go back to sleep
You think that saturated fat is blubber that was caught in a rainstorm
You list exercise as one of the seven deadly sins
You think the food pyramid is a tourist attraction in Egypt
You claim the four food groups are chips, salsa, dip, and pretzels
You are convinced that baking is a spiritual gift
You start a petition to make Emeril Lagasse a saint
Your family crest reads…If it ain’t fried, it ain’t food!