Will Slaw Dogs Make My Breasts Fall Off?

Some say WWII would have been lost if it wasn’t for SPAM.  I suspect the grunts who stormed Normandy would have a thing or two to say about that, but the point is a quick, easy, preservable protein source was needed to feed all the soldiers and as, Caesar was fond of saying, an army runs on their stomachs.

Unfortunately, SPAM (short for Spiced Ham, or Smelly Putrid Appetizing Meat, whichever you prefer) was introduced with a noble purpose in mind, but beware of unintended consequences.  SPAM, like all processed meats, has been shown to be less than collegial with your arteries and gut.  In fact, many processed meats have been shown to be linked to various forms of cancer. So what exactly is a processed meat? 

It is any meat product that has been Frankensteined into something that stays on the shelf longer or tastes better.  If you open a can of SPAM or bologna, it may stay sitting there for a millennium before it becomes rancid or full of little fungi.  I wouldn’t suggest testing this hypothesis however, simply take my word for it on this one.  The whole taste better bit is certainly individualized, but usually it involves sugar, salt, and more sugar.  Common processed meats are sausage, hot dogs, bacon, salami, and Alpo.

 In 2015, the World Health Organization (WHO are you?  WHO, WHO, WHO,WHO) confirmed that processed meats increase the risk of colorectal cancer, while red meats were deemed "probably carcinogenic" to humans. This conclusion came from a review of more than 800 studies.  I love the definite nature of their pronouncement. 

 Well, we can’t really say they cause cancer (because Big Food gives us bunches of money) but it might be the case, wink, wink. A new study takes it even a bit further.  Published in The European Journal of Cancer, Dr. Jill Pell and colleagues concluded, “Compared with women who had the lowest intake of processed meats, those who consumed at least 9 grams of processed meats per day were found to have a 21 percent greater risk of breast cancer.”  That comes out to about 2 hot dogs a week.  I have no idea if this is limited to beef dogs as no mention in the study was made of a difference with chicken dogs, pork dogs, tofu dogs, or reindeer dogs.

Another analysis of 10 different studies concluded, “a 9 percent increased risk of postmenopausal breast cancer with processed meat intake.”   What are these food Nazis going to tell us next, that kale causes hair to grow on the bottom of your feet?  Actually, I am glad that this information is coming to light.  There is an old saying that you should never see how sausage and laws are made, and I think that is steeped in reality.  

I remember reading Upton Sinclair’s landmark book, “The Jungle” in high school and vowing never to eat meat again.  After a few years, I promptly forgot that vow until I saw the documentary “What The Health” and remembered.  Granted there is always some bias in these types of productions, but it is sobering, and the data seems to be piling up that SPAM and its cousins are not exactly health foods.