Pass the Placenta

I am a cutting edge kind of guy.  Hey, I was one of the first to recognize that email was going to be big, and that was way back in 2016.  One of the purposes of this blog is to keep you abreast of new and interesting ideas in the field of health and wellness, so I regularly scour the InterWeb seeking the newest and most innovative information.  Unfortunately, I don't have that for you today.

Instead, I want to make you aware of a trend that I find personally offensive; placenta abuse.  I am not talking about the Area 51 wackos who make their afterbirth into smoothies, no, I am talking about a breed of entrepreneurs who are so vile and corrupt in what they do that they defy categorization.  These are the sheep placenta stealers.  Somewhat akin to the grave robbers of the 18th century, these madmen, and madwoman I suspect, take sheep afterbirth and create skin creams and the such.  Not only do they use this mass of chorionic jelly in their products, but they are also openly proud about it.  They announce their vileness right there on their labels calling their witches brew MZ Skin Restorative Placenta and Stem Cell Night Serum.  Imagine that marketing committee's debate: “Should we use placenta in the label or just call it Uncle Fud's Wrinkle Magic?”

These unapologetic sheep exploiters should not only be arrested for terminal bad taste, but I am amazed that the animal rights folks haven't tried to throw red paint all over their placenta vats.  What if the sheep wanted their afterbirth? What if they wanted to encase it in plastic and display it on the mantle in the stable? I just think PETA is really missing the boat on this one.

Then these face cream criminals have the audacity to include stem cells in their concoction.  Stem cells...What!  The darling of the anti-technology goobers, the use of stem cells in anything "natural" is tantamount to putting genetically modified corn in your homemade still.  And they don't say where the stem cells come from.  Are they earthworm stem cells? Maybe stem cells from the Argentinian Wombat?

Somehow someone thought it was a good idea to take sheep placentas and mush them up with stem cells from some unknown animal and rub it all over your face.  Honestly, it sounds like a bad drug dream to me.

The article where I read about this makeup monstrosity went on to quote a prominent skin care doctor who said, "Ovine placenta in skincare hasn’t officially been studied."  First, I didn't know you called sheep ovines, and secondly, who knew that this was not an area of Nobel Prize-worthy study!

        All this rant and angst to say that you have to be a critical consumer and not fall for some cockamamie scheme whether it is to smooth your skin or prolong your life.