(Note to all who suffer with PMS: remember, a good sense of humor may be a tool for coping)
So you're sitting on your couch one lazy evening watching Game of Thrones reruns and your wife/girlfriend/significant other/not so significant other/ casual acquaintance, suddenly bursts into tears.
Your proper response is:
A) start crying with her to show your sensitive side
B) run to the bathroom to see if you have any extra Xanax
C) change the channel to something less intense like The Property Brothers or
D) In your head go through all the stupid things you have said over the past few hours to see if that may be what is bothering her. This is actually a trick question because the proper response is to do nothing other than offer a hug and a Kleenex. Welcome to the world of hormones.
I don’t want to patronize or minimize the hormonal hurricanes that some women experience (Katrina was a rain shower in comparison) so as a medical professional and a guy, I can say that these fluctuations are real, chemically based, and to be respected. Most guys have the understanding of a tree frog when it comes to women’s physiology so it’s not incomprehensible that they don’t appreciate the nuances of serotonin and estrogen. Here’s my attempt to educate, enlighten, and potentially prevent relationship meltdown for dudes in dealing with PMS.
First, PMS does not stand for Punishing Men Slowly nor Potential Murder Suspect, it is Premenstrual Syndrome. Let’s break that down. The Pre part means before, like prepubertal where most guys are in their mental development. So this illustrates a salient point about PMS, it occurs at a very specific time of the cycle, that is generally the two weeks before the period. If a woman has PMS symptoms all the time it may be due to other conditions, or that she just hates you. The second term, menstrual, is a topic most guys just love talking about. Get over it. Just be thankful that you don’t bloat, ooze body secretions, and get sore nipples every month.
Importantly, however, is that these changes have to be linked to the menses for it to be true PMS. It is not wise to make snide comments about “that time of the cycle” unless you want and deservedly get a stiletto boot up your butt. Finally, the word syndrome is important as it clarifies that this is a spectrum of symptoms and not just moods and emotions. We understand that it is hard for most guys to grasp the concept that more than one thing can happen at a time (“You mean I have to watch TV and answer the phone?”), but most women with PMS will have a range of symptoms.
So what is the best way for a guy to react if a woman he loves is dealing with PMS symptoms? First, make yourself transparent. That is not to say be open and honest, literally be unseen, disappear, get lost. You will likely just aggravate her more by being around and you are a convenient target for pots, pans, Molotov cocktails, and anything else she can throw at you. Not that you probably don’t deserve that, but it saves on medical bills. If you are the understanding and sensitive type, you may be okay to stay, just don’t try to do anything other than be understanding and sensitive. Don’t patronize, try to fix things, or use this time to expand your action figure collection.
Treat your lady friend/spouse/cubicle partner/mother of your children with respect during these fluctuations. This is not a time to make fun of or minimize her discomfort. She knows she doesn’t feel well or is not at the top of her game. She doesn’t need your probing insight to tell her that she has cankles and terminal bloating.
Provide support and understanding that is genuine. Sometimes listening and not fixing is the best you can do. This is a real, physiological disorder that is no fun for the one you care about the most, so your demeanor and understanding should reflect this.
This is not to imply that all women have PMS or that all mood changes are PMS related. Guys, never assume that just because you don’t understand why your wife/girlfriend/neighbor acts a certain way that it’s hormones. Most of the time it’s simply that you are a turd and have done something disrespectful.
The bottom line for dudes is to recognize PMS is real, temporary, and lethal if you don’t respect it.
Your proper response is:
A) start crying with her to show your sensitive side
B) run to the bathroom to see if you have any extra Xanax
C) change the channel to something less intense like The Property Brothers or
D) In your head go through all the stupid things you have said over the past few hours to see if that may be what is bothering her. This is actually a trick question because the proper response is to do nothing other than offer a hug and a Kleenex. Welcome to the world of hormones.
I don’t want to patronize or minimize the hormonal hurricanes that some women experience (Katrina was a rain shower in comparison) so as a medical professional and a guy, I can say that these fluctuations are real, chemically based, and to be respected. Most guys have the understanding of a tree frog when it comes to women’s physiology so it’s not incomprehensible that they don’t appreciate the nuances of serotonin and estrogen. Here’s my attempt to educate, enlighten, and potentially prevent relationship meltdown for dudes in dealing with PMS.
First, PMS does not stand for Punishing Men Slowly nor Potential Murder Suspect, it is Premenstrual Syndrome. Let’s break that down. The Pre part means before, like prepubertal where most guys are in their mental development. So this illustrates a salient point about PMS, it occurs at a very specific time of the cycle, that is generally the two weeks before the period. If a woman has PMS symptoms all the time it may be due to other conditions, or that she just hates you. The second term, menstrual, is a topic most guys just love talking about. Get over it. Just be thankful that you don’t bloat, ooze body secretions, and get sore nipples every month.
Importantly, however, is that these changes have to be linked to the menses for it to be true PMS. It is not wise to make snide comments about “that time of the cycle” unless you want and deservedly get a stiletto boot up your butt. Finally, the word syndrome is important as it clarifies that this is a spectrum of symptoms and not just moods and emotions. We understand that it is hard for most guys to grasp the concept that more than one thing can happen at a time (“You mean I have to watch TV and answer the phone?”), but most women with PMS will have a range of symptoms.
So what is the best way for a guy to react if a woman he loves is dealing with PMS symptoms? First, make yourself transparent. That is not to say be open and honest, literally be unseen, disappear, get lost. You will likely just aggravate her more by being around and you are a convenient target for pots, pans, Molotov cocktails, and anything else she can throw at you. Not that you probably don’t deserve that, but it saves on medical bills. If you are the understanding and sensitive type, you may be okay to stay, just don’t try to do anything other than be understanding and sensitive. Don’t patronize, try to fix things, or use this time to expand your action figure collection.
Treat your lady friend/spouse/cubicle partner/mother of your children with respect during these fluctuations. This is not a time to make fun of or minimize her discomfort. She knows she doesn’t feel well or is not at the top of her game. She doesn’t need your probing insight to tell her that she has cankles and terminal bloating.
Provide support and understanding that is genuine. Sometimes listening and not fixing is the best you can do. This is a real, physiological disorder that is no fun for the one you care about the most, so your demeanor and understanding should reflect this.
This is not to imply that all women have PMS or that all mood changes are PMS related. Guys, never assume that just because you don’t understand why your wife/girlfriend/neighbor acts a certain way that it’s hormones. Most of the time it’s simply that you are a turd and have done something disrespectful.
The bottom line for dudes is to recognize PMS is real, temporary, and lethal if you don’t respect it.
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